DUSTYSALAS's Blog

I guess alot of u know my story by now, and my family.i am going to ask for ur opinions for 1 reason. i am in so much confussion on the inside of me. and i wonder if you were to put yourself in my shoes for a day how would you handle it?

how would you feel?

what would u do?

would u fight as hard as i have to try to change a law and save whats left of your family?

I think alot of people do not understand about this unique situation/ its a very hard place to be as a parent and a victim of rape and incest.the way i am coming of is that i disowned my 13 yearold child. [ that i have not done] i still love him. he is my child that god gave to me.[ u love them unconditionally] i will always love him. but i do not feel that it is safe for him to come into my home around me. or the kids that he has hurt. not just sexually but phycially and mentally.there is alot to the story that alot of the viewers do not know.this is why i am so adament with my child not retuning to my home.

Proctect my kids yes i can do that. and i have been doing that every since the 1st one came.15 years ago.and yes i know of his past and know he has been threw alot. i put my life on the line to save this child. i had a gun in my face saving them from mexico. i was hit in the back of the head with a beer bottle looking for them in mexico.and them some. [ but this is not about me] its about what a parent will do for their kids. and then the child turn on you this way. every since i brought him back from mexico i have had him in councling for the 4 years until it came to march 1st 2007. that day i turned on my child. and i went empty on the inside for him. i have no feelings for him. and i go on as if he does not exisit to me. i block him from my mind so i do not feel any pain when it comes to him or his name.

So i do not know which way to turn, i am really adament about putting him in foster care and let some one eles raise him for the remainder of his years [18]  where he is alone the only child and the attention can go to him and only him.this is what he wants. i feel i should give it to him for the simple fact that he has hurt his brothers. and i feel if he is returned here into the home for the victims to look at him on a daily basis its going to be no good for him nor his brothers.

Forgive him i have forgivin him months ago. i am not to judge [ god will do that].

so i would like your opinions good ones and bad ones. wwyd.

I think he does.  i have always grew up believing in god knowing that he has always been there for me when i needed him. [ i just never felt him] i pray to god every night and think him for everthing, and mostly my children for intrusting me with his kids.  lets talk about his power.

    As a lot of you know my family has been in crisis since march. I have been so consumed with hate and anger towards my 13 y/o that i forgot how to forgive and love. i forgot how to love my son who made a very bad choice in life. but i have been praying to god evernight to help him, to save him. because i could not do it and i was treating him like BLEEP.God was sending me signs i was just to angry and raging to see them. Then on monday i found some money not alot but enough. [ there was no id or wallet with this money] so i picked it up off the ground and thanked god for every dollar he sent me. on saturday there was a movie on called black dog it had randy travis in it. and i mentioned to my husband [ you got to hear this man sing u will break in half]. so with some of the money i bought all of randy cds i only wanted to songs.[ but god had other plans] on randys cd 3 wooden crosses there was another song called [momma prays]  i heard the song but felt nothing but the words did catch me a bit. so i made my 13y/o listen when the song was done he had a tear in his eye, i did the same on the 3 crosses , same thing he cried with the song. so i thanked god for finnally getting to my 13y/o [ mind you i was still very angry in the morning] so it was time for school i sent them on there way and i listened to the song again, but this time i feel to my knees in front of god and just cried so hard and cried for my 13y/o [ i am a very strong person and i dont fall or break easy] but not yesturday. and at that moment i felt such a peace come over me, i was not angry any more, and i knew what i had to do. i needed to forgive my kid for what he done.[ god has always forgivin me for my bad choices and god has been there when i fall and god carries me when i can not go any further. and i knew what god was telling me [ he did not speak] but i knew in my heart.

  So does god really exisit, he was sending me signs and i was ingorning him because i was so angry. i have givin my pain to god quite a few times but i always take it back. yesturday god came and took my pain! [and i have to say i feel so much better] and all i can say is thanks to randy travis for his insperatonal songs [ momma prays] because god spoke to me threw him. to get to me. You know every one asks me dusty where does your strength come from? and i tell them i do not know. well i do know now my strength comes from god!

  I know alot of us wonder.[ does god exisit] i can honestly say yes he does. You have to feel him to understand his power. and i felt that yesturday. [ i have always belived ,but know i kneel on my knees and know]   i am no longer a raging mother.And i forgave my son last night, he is not justifed what he has done.but i begged him to take god into his heart and feel his power as i did.

my god bless all of you who read this letter.

WELL HERE I AM A PRIME EXAMPLE OF HOW THE JUDICAL SYSTEM AND THE STATE OF FLORIDA HAS FAILED ME AND MY FAMILY. EVERY SINCE MARCH 1ST 2007 I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR PROTECTION FROM MY 13 Y/O  BECAUSE HE HAS SERIOUSLY HURT MY 4 AND 7 YEAROLD. THE STATE REFUSES TO HELP KNOWING THAT THESE TWO CHILDREN ARE IN HIGH RISK OF BEING ABUSED AGAIN OVER AND OVER.    

   THE STATE KNOWS ABOUT IT.AND DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT  I HAVE CALLED CHARLIE CRIST, BOB BUTTERSWORTH, DA AND ETC.  I HAVE SUBMITTED NUMEROUS E-MAILS TO HIGHER UPS. AND ITS A CHAIN REACTION DOWN THE LADDER  .AND I END UP AT SQUARE ROOT 1.  NO BODY WANTS TO HEAR IT I CAN NOT GET NEWS MEDIA TO COVER MY STORY I AM GETTING ABSOUTLEY NO WHERE.BUT THE STATE PUTS IT ALL ON THE PARENT. TO PROTECT .THE STATE JUST SWEEPS THIS PROBLEM UNDER THE RUG , AND WANTS TO FORGET ABOUT IT.WHY? THIS IS A CIRCLE OF SILENCE THAT NEEDS TO BE UNBROKEN NOW AND LAWS NEED TO BE IN AFFECT TO PROTECT THESE INNOCENT VICTIMS AND PARENTS OF THE VICTIMS FROM [RAPE AND INCEST]. BUT THE STATE WANTS TO KEEP IT HUSH. HUSH.

I AM WILLING TO TELL THIS STORY ON NATIONAL T.V AND EMBARREES MY FAMILY IF I CAN GAIN DIGNITY TO SAVE OR CHILDREN  AND TO CHANGE A LAW TO PROTECT OUR YOUNGER CHILDREN FROM THERE PERPERTRATORS THAT ARE THERE SIBILINGS. BUT BECAUSE THEY ARE THERE SIBILINGS THERE IS NO HELP THE PLACE THE PERP. IN THE HOME WITH THE VICTIMS BECAUSE QUOTE ( THE STATE OF FLORIDA DOES NOT HAVE A FACILITY FOR MY 13Y/O AND HE HAS TO COME TO MY HOME] UN QUOTE. IF I ABONDAM HIM I GET ARRESTED , BUT YET IT IS OK TO LET HIM HURT THESE KIDS MAYBE KILL 1 WHO KNOWS .AND THE STATE KNOWS ABOUT IT.

SO IS FLORIDA THE CHILD ADVOCATE STATE OR NOT? I DO NOT SEE WHERE. OR IS IT ALL TALK AND OUR JUDICAL SYSTEM IS A FAILURE. AND OUR STATE A FAILURE.

My story starts on march 1st 2007 it is a very hard reailty that parents face on an everyday basis and i would like some help and know how on how to change a law. you see on march 1st i walked in my kids room and caught my 13 yearold doing something with my 4 yearold . i was in shock ,but instead of beating the heck out of my 13 yearold i called the cops and he was arrested for lued and lavious molestion on a minor child.

This has really rocked our world right now . and i have been looking for help and open to suggestions in all forms but it is impossible becaause hillsbough county don't carry the law we need to proctect our victims when they are in the same home. I am being forced to take my 13 yearold on march 21st and put him back in my home with the victim. if i do not comply with the state i willl get arrested. and i have been threatned so.All i want to do is protect my baby from futher harm and abuse from my 13 yearold.

How am i suppose to protect when they are putting the pre preator back in the home. The thearpists are not happy at all the mental doctors are not happy and they are strongly recomending that my 13 yearold be placed in a facilty to help him.[ i feel the same way] i have been asking for help for 3 years for my 13 yearold they keep putting bandaids on his head and send him on his way every 6  weeks or the mental doc. are mis diagonesing him with behaviour problems. [This has got to quit} a parent can only take so much. and i feel as if i have came to my end with my 13 yearold  for help on the outside. and now i relly need the state to step in but their hands are tied because there is not a law to protect a family member from rape.

The state claims that my 13yearold needs to reoffend 2 more times before he has enough points and meets quialfitions to be placed in a facilty. I can not imagine this happening 2 more times or to another child before he can get the help he needs this is not fair to the victim ,and what is it teaching the victim [that it is ok to be violated and raped] this is not good enough for me, as a parent you do what you have to do to protect your children from futher harm.

So does anyone out there have any info on how I can change a law in hillsbourgh county. i would like this to quit with my family so other familys wont have to suffer this way. And i can protect my family from future john coueys. I really would like input. i have called lawyers,news stations,doctors and the goveners office.i am still at ground zero here. and this child is comming back to my home on the 23rd.

Dont get me wrong i still love my 13 yearold a mothers love is unconditional but there is also a line and he has passed that line. so i am trying to get help for him also.

ANY SUGGESTIONS.

  

THIS IS A HARD STORY BUT IT NEED TO BE TOLD!!IT'S A TRUE STORY,AND I NEED SOME ANSWERS FROM SOMEBODY.
MY STORY STARTS IN 90 I WAS YOUNG 18 AND MEET THIS MAN WHO BECAME MY HUSBAND. 6 MONTHS IN TO REALITIONSHIP HE STARTED TO ABUSE ME (HE WOULD THROW ME OUT ON FOWLER AVE. BUY THE HAIR OF MY HEAD. AND HOPED A CAR WOULD HIT ME I HAD A COUPLE OF CLOSE CALLS)I WAS 3-MONTHS PREGNANT THIS MAN (MONSTER) WOULD DO A LOT OF STUFF TO ME. GRANIT I WAS YOUNG STUPID AND TAKEN A TEST FROM GOD.( AN AWFUL TEST) WHEN THE BABY WAS BORN HE WAS NOT EVEN 3-MONTHS OLD AND HE HIT HIM SOMEWHERE IN THE HEAD.THE BABY RECIEVED A SUBDORAL-HEMATOMA AND ALMOST DIED. I SAT IN THE HOSPITIAL WITH HIM AND TOOK A LOT OF LOOKS AND HUMILIATION FROM COPS AND DOCTORS.I WAS INTERAGATED.FOR 3-DAYS I HELD MY GROUND THAT I DID NOT DO THIS TO MY BABY I DID WHAT I COULD DO TO PROCTECT HIM.(THIS MAN WAS MUCH BIGGER THEN ME AT THE TIME) AND HE THREANTED ME THAT IF I DID NOT TAKE THE FALL FOR HIM (BECAUSE HE WAS ILLEGAL) HE WOULD KILL ME AND THE BABY. AND THE ONE THAT WAS IN MY STOMACH.
SO I MADE ASTORY UP AND TOLD THE COPS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR.(THEY PUT THE WORDS IN MY MOUTH AND COACHED ME ON WHAT TO SAY ) I DID AS THEY TOLD ME TO DO . ON THE 4TH DAY I WAS ARRESTED FOR FELONY CHILD ABUSE. ( I AM NOW SCARRED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE)TO SUM IT UP I FOUGHT THE STATE AND WON I PROVED THAT I WAS NOT THIS MONSTER THAT THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE.MY BABIES CAME HOME 9-MONTHS LATER OF COURSE I WAS BEING CHECKED ON EVERY WEEK. WHICH I FELT A LITTLE GOOD ABOUT IT.BECAUSE MY X- HUSBAND COULDN'T TOUCH US AND LEAVE MARKS.
AFTER HRS. CLOSED OUT AND SAW I WAS DOING RIGHT BY THE KIDS.AND I THOUGHT MY X-HUSBAND ALSO LEARNED HIS LESSON,BUT HE DIDN'T FOR ABOUT A YEAR HE WAS BEATING ME IN FFRONT OF THE KIDS MY 2- YEAROLD WOULD TRY TO HELP ME THEN HE WOULD TURN HIS ANGER ON HIM.( I WOULD TRY TO RUN SO MY KIDS WOULD NOT SEE THIS) BUT MY X DID;T CARE HE DID IT WHEN EVER AND WHERE EVER IN THE MALL WAL=MART STORES IN PUBLIC WHEN EVER HE THOUGHT ABOUT HITTING ME. HRS WAS CALLED AND THEY WERE GETTING READY TO OPEN THE CASE AGAIN THEY FELT THAT SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT.BUT MY X WAS ONE STEP AHEAD OF THEM ,HE TOOK MY KIDS TO MEXICO(KIDDNAPPED). I CALLED THE POLICE. THE STATE SUPREME COURT, LAWYERS, P.I. NOBODY KNOW WANTED TO HELP!!!WHY?? BECAUSE HE IS THERE FATHER AND HE HAS RIGHTS.( I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS THE BAD ONE IN EVERY ONES EYES AND HE WAS THE SAINT).SO NO ONE WOULD HELP ME (GRANET MY KIDS WERE WARDS OF THE STATE AT THIS TIME). THIS MAN WOULD TAUNT AND TEASE ME ABOUT MY KIDS HE DROPPED THEM OFF WITH HIS ALING MOTHER, AND CAME BACK OVER. I WOULD SEE HIM TO GET INFO.ABOUT MY KIDS ( OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE TO LOWER MY SELF JUST TO GET A PITCHER OF THE KIDS.) THEY WERE BEING ABUSED IN MEXICO(THE PITCHERS THE KIDS WERE FULL OF BRUISES I STILL HAVE THEM).TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT 7- YEARS OF PURE AGONY LOOKING FOR MY BABIES I FINALLY FOUND THEM IN 2003. MY 1ST PHONE CALL WAS TO THE COURTS IN MEXICO AND EXPLAINED TO THEM THE SIT.( AND OF COURSE I WAS THE BAD PARTY YET AGAIN) KNOW MEXICO WANTED TO GET ME FOR ABONDEMENT) MY NEW HUSBAND GOT ON THE PHONE AND TALKED TO THE LADY AND TOLD HER EXCATLY WHAT HAD HAPPENED HERE, AND WHAT THIS MAN HAD DONE. SO THE LADY FINNALLY LET HERE GAURD DOWN AND KNOW HAD SYMPATHY FOR ME.AND SAID PROVE THE ALLEGATIONS AND THAT I AM MOM TO THE 2 WHITE BOYS AS THEY CALLED THEM, I DID JUST THAT.
KNOW AT THIS TIME I HAD A 9-MONTH OLD BABY IN THE HOSPITIAL DIEING THE DOCTORS COULD NOT FIND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM,HE WAS BORN VERY SICK. SO KNOW I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL FOR ABOUT 5-WEEKS AND I GET THE PHONE CALL(COME AND GET YOUR KIDS RIGHT KNOW) I WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL WITH THE BABY AND I ASKED FOR A WEEK AND I WOULD BE DOWN THERE TO GET THEM.SO THEY COMPLIED.
ON SEPT.23RD 2003 I WAS REUNITED AFTER 7 YEARS WITH MY BABIES. I HAD POLICE PROTECTION AND FBI PROTECTION BUT ON MEXICO'S SIDE (NOTHING FROM THE US) I NEEDED TO SPEND 3 DAYS IN MEXICO TO DO THE PAPER WORK AND GET EVERTHING IN ORDER FOR THE BOYS TO TRAVEL, THE COPS AND FBI NEVER LEFT MY SIDE.FOR THOSE 3 DAYS( THEY ARE MY HEROS IN MEXICO).
KNOW LET ME ASK WHY DID THE US NOT TO WANT TO HELP ME?? I CAN'T ANSWER THAT NOR KNOW THE REASON WHY!! BUT WHAT I CAN SAY THAT IF US SAW THE KIDS LIVIN CONDITIONS THEY WOULD OF TAKEN THE FATHER AND PUT HIM IN JAIL AND THROWEN AWAY THE KEY.
THE 1ST TIME I SAW THE KIDS THERE CLOTHES WERE TATTER AND TORN SHOES HAD HOLES IN THEM, OR THEY WERE NOT MATCHES, THERE WAS ABOUSTLEY NO FOOD WHAT SO EVER . EVRY STOP WE TOOK I WAS FEEDIND THE KIDS. THEY WERE MALNUTRITIONED,THEY HAD BRUSIES ON THEM AND THEY PANHANDLED. OR THEY WOULD KILL PIGS AND COWS TO MAKE A BUCK SO THEY COULD EAT BOTH OF THEM.BUT THE SAD PART IS THEY WERE EATING HALF EATEN FOOD OUT OF THE GARABAGE JUST TO SURVIVE.COME ON PEOPLE. WHO IN THE HECK WOULD DO THIS TO THIER OWN CHILDREN????
I FINALLY GOT THEM BACK TO THE U.S AND THEY WERE WILD AND OUT OF CONTROL FOR A BIT. THEY SPOKE NO ENGLISH, BUT I AM PROUD TO SAY KNOW THEY ARE 13 AND 12 YEARS OLD TODAY AND THEY ARE WONDERFUL CHILDREN THEY SPEAK REALLY GOOD ENGLISH AND ARE GETTING A'S AND B'S IN SCHOOL ( I AM PROUD).
BUT FOR THE FATHER WHAT DO I DO?? HE'S STILL HERE IN TAMPA SOME WHERE. HE HAS A RECORD. OF DOME-VIOL- DRUNKEN PUBLIC AND DRUG CHARGES. AND I REALLY WANT THIS MAN TO PAY FOR EVERYHEART ACHE HE HAS CAUSED FOR THESE KIDS. BUT THE STATE DOES NOT WANT TO TOUCH HIM WHY??????????????
I HAVE TRIED TO BE EXSPONGED FROM THE CHARGES AND RECENTLY RECANTED. WHAT I WAS TOLD TO SAY . I CAN'T GET HELP FROM THE STATE BECAUSE I HAVE A FELONY RECORD!! I WANT TO TRY TO GET A HUD HOME FOR MY KIDS AND I BUT I CAN;T ANY BODY HAVE SUGGESTIONS FOR ME. I NEED HELP!! OR POINTED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. ( I WOULD LIKE TO TRY TO GIVE BACK TO MY KIDS WHAT HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM THEM).