Pablo_Kielbasa's Mombasa

Divorce: Change you can believe in.

As the November presidential election looms ominously near, decisions will need to be made. Who will you vote for? Obama or McCain? Whomever you choose, keep in mind that this year is very, very different from all of the others.

2008 is the first year that a presidential election has drawn the race card, so the crucial dilemma is, how can a white couple, wherein the man is a McCain supporter, and the woman an Obama supporter, reconcile their political differences? Surely, those who agree to vote in unison will suffer no ill effects, but a white couple split on the issue may not survive the racial schism. It is easy to imagine thousands of couples splitting up because of their personal candidate choice, as a white woman "leaving her white husband for a black president", so to speak, is taboo of all taboos and is totally unforgivable.

So, be careful what you wish for this terrible election year, America. Change may very well be in the air for you.

Traditionally crazed scolding hag Madam House Speaker Nancy Pelosi only recently endangered America by loose flabulations of her liberal lib, squawking "This crisis is the result of 8 years of incompetent Conservative government and complete lack of any and all regulation".

*ahem*

Well, folks, whether it is or isn't, now was not the time for Nan to stop taking her Paxil.

Shame, Nan. America first, personal agenda second.  

Keepin' it real, sista biatch!

The current economic "crisis" was easy to spot in the making. Sub Prime lenders extended high interest loans to low income, mostly minority consumers with bad credit who were desperate to get a house, not caring, or even paying attention, to the cold reality that their monthly house payment would amount to 80-90 percent of their take home pay in most cases.

Shame on them, silly childish fools.  Don't let your eyes write a check your behind can't cash.

And shame on the sub prime lenders for granting, or even considering granting, loans to these folks. They figured house values would continue to rise, and that they could easily "flip" the house onto the next sucker after the foreclosure, just like in new car sales, not aware that house values would dip, and courts would be clogged over with foreclosure cases, a typical forelosure case taking over three years to process rather than the usual 5-6 months.

The fix?

Stop writing bad loans. It really is that easy. Lend, and borrow,  money cautiously.

"Crisis" over. 

Would you buy a used house from this man?

OMG! That is so freaking racist!

WORLD NEWS- Liberal Chick Melissa Mann picked up an empty Reese's peanut butter nips wrapper with the "official nips of the 2008 Beijing Olympics" logo on it and slammed it down hard

"OMG! Can you believe this bullcrap?! The Olympics is totally xenophobic, sexist and racist! I mean, all of us newly enlightened Obama youth are fully aware that nationalities and culture are strictly figments of the imagination created by white Europeans to keep minorities down! There are no such things as countries you know! There is no Kenya, China, U.S.A., Russia, Serbia or any other country, just one world human race! That's what I call it, the World Human People Race! And why are women competing separately from men? That is so totally sexist! All of this racist, sexist and xenophobic bullcrap is designed to divide, not unite, and I'm a uniter not a divider!

Liberal Chick paused for the briefest moment to tweedle her trendy 12 buck reading glasses and actually breath in some air

"OMG! I mean, even the Olympic medal system is racist! Why is gold better than silver or bronze? What is bronze, like, a colored metal, because it's brown toned?! OMG! That is so totally freaking racist!"

When asked how future Olympics should be structured, Mann offered "One human race, one event, one medal, no one competes, everyone co-operates, everyone wins. And don't try to mess with me either, because I'm German, and Germans have a natural head for organization and discipline you know!"

Big Huge Muscle Guy Pretty Much Scaring The Hell Out Of Everyone He Bumps Into


Carbo load! You wish you were me! You wish you were me! RAaaaaaarrrrRRR... RRRrrr....aaahhhhh!!

IRON CITY , PA - Iron City bodybuilding enthusiast Eddie Tufts was recently observed "scaring the hell out of pretty much everyone he bumps into" according to his anxiously alarmed girlfriend Trisha Ziske.

"I-It's getting crazy! Eddie is so massive and bulked up, I think this whole weight lifting thing has totally consumed him. It's like he turns into a mad Hulk or something, and rails on and on about how huge he is. I-I can't take it anymore!*sob*!"

Friends and family of Tufts have recanted tales of him insanely ranting "Minimum weight 205, max weight 215! Keep my run below 14 flat at least, separation and vascularity in the arms, legs, losing the gut and watching abs emerge. Good stuff! Cardio diet! You wish you were me! You WISH you were me!" to pretty much anyone within eye range or earshot.

"We can't stop him!" Bemoaned Ziske. "He benches everything in sight. He lifts riding mowers over his head with riders on them, baby carriages with babies in them and even turned 2 fully loaded shopping carts into curling irons! The steroids must have gone straight to his brain. He outta control!"

Other tales recounted Tufts lifting the rear wheels of convertible Volkswagen Golfs at red lights, ripping the top of beer cans off with his teeth and even cracking walnuts without a nutcracker, and without his hands, neither.

Eventually, Tufts would come down off of his chaotic cardiovascular high after a series of sudden agonizing muscular rips and abdominal tears, the worst of which was heard, not to mention whiffed, clean over in McKees Rocks.

The top 10 answers people volunteered when asked to describe presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll released Monday. Included is the percentage of people who gave each answer. More than one response was allowed.

John McCain:

1. Old, 19 percent

2. Military service, 9 percent

3. Record, qualifications, 8 percent

4. Bush, 7 percent

5. Strength, 7 percent

6. Insider, politician, 7 percent

7. Iraq, terrorism, 6 percent

8. Honest, 5 percent

9. Republican, 5 percent

10. (tie) Moral/good and dishonest, 4 percent

Barack Obama:

1. Outsider, change, 20 percent

2. Lack of experience, 13 percent

3. Dishonest, 9 percent

4. Inspiring, 8 percent

5. Liberal, 6 percent

6, 7 (tie). Obama's race, young, 6 percent

8. Not likable, 5 percent

9. Intelligent, 4 percent

10. Muslim, 3 percent

The AP-Yahoo! News poll of 1,759 adults was conducted from June 13-23 and had an overall margin of sampling error of plus or minus 2.3 percentage points. The poll was conducted over the Internet by Knowledge Networks, which initially contacted people using traditional telephone polling methods and followed with online interviews.

Some Really Great Life's Tips


The persistence of being persistent.

Have you ever mused about what you would have done different with your life if you could just go back in time with the knowledge and experiences that you have in your head today? I was thinking about 1988, if I could just go back 20 years, knowing what I know now. Outside of the obvious, like buying all the Microsoft stock I could handle at a penny a share, here are some other things I noticed that may offer you a shortcut, and hopefully a fuller, richer life.

1. Never do anything that you don't want to do. This one is the biggest, and most crucial. If you are in a relationship, or even a marriage, that obviously is a poor fit, get out. Don't dally with it, and try to do it before you have kids. I can't tell you how many breakups I have witnessed, and been part of, that ended badly, and often with life-shattering consequences, that should have ended before things reached that point. Search your heart. If it don't fit you must split!

On that same note, go after what your heart wants, and I especially urge young 20 some-things to take heed of this one. Don't worry about rejection, or feelings of inadequacy, or feeling foolish. Life is too short to feel inadequate. Don't waste time. If you want someone strongly, go for it. Do whatever it takes. Be willing to make changes midstream. If you are in a reasonably satisfactory relationship, and your dream girl/guy comes along, take some time to make some time with that person. If it works out, and is a better fit, you won't be sorry, believe me, and if it doesn't, you're still better off than you were before, believe it or not, but please believe it. You're better off alone than moldering away precious, irretrievable years in the icy malaise of a loveless relationship.

2. Don't ignore your health. I have been lucky in this area, but I have many acquaintances who have not. If you are 25, and are in perfect health, or even consider yourself to be, don't let that stop you from seeing a doctor and getting a full A-Z physical. Do it now. Don't get it in your head that disease and sickness are the realm of old people, I lost a number of good friends in their 30's to chronic conditions that could have been easily cured or prevented by early diagnosis and treatment. You might be walking around with an aneurism in your brain and not know it, or have undiagnosed glaucoma, or hypertension, and feel just fine. Don't wait, go to a doctor now, regardless how you feel.

3. Make the right career moves. Just like in relationships, don't do anything that you don't want to do. If you are hemmed in by a job that you can take or leave, but just don't think you can find the time, or believe that you lack the capability to get a better job, you need to fix that notion, fast. Big life's lesson: Time Goes Fast.

If you still live at home and aren't paying rent, use this rare, fleeting period of your life to obtain as much education as you can afford, and spend time interviewing and chasing employers that you are passionate about before you find yourself out on your own. As soon as you have to pay your own overhead, your chances and choices diminish, and it only gets harder and harder as you get older. Pick a career that is marketable. You may love Archaeology, but will it pay the bills? This is strictly my opinion, but I urge choosing careers that pay well historically, and are adaptable to a changing, technologically evolving economy. Do it right the first time, you most likely won't have a second chance.

4. Don't get worked up over silly stuff. I wish I would have heeded my own advice on this one. Do you ever find yourself fuming over something someone said about you, or ceaselessly mulled over a failed relationship, or a bad experience you had someplace or another with someone or another? Of course you do, at least if you are normal.

Big Tip: I know, I know...It's hard, but you've got to try not to. Try to discipline yourself to forget. Don't let your imagination destroy you. Trivial matters should only occupy a trivial moment of your time. Don't torture yourself. Once again, life is far too short for such misguided emotion.

5. Make the right choices. A big part of this is reading warning labels. If the warning label on the side of a pack of cigarettes says that it causes cancer, emphysema and heart disease, than it does. Don't think you are immune. You may have heard of someone's uncle who smoked for 75 years and lived to be 90, but that is the rare, rare exception. Don't count on it. Don't think that you can handle your alcohol and go to a bar and drink and drive. You can't. Keep in mind that most of the laws created by society have a solid foundation in fact, and apply to you, not to "someone else." You're nothing special, dummy, and don't think you are.

Follow these tips and you will live a fuller, richer life, rest assured, or you can just screw up and be like everyone else, including me. Anyhoo, anybody got any hot stock tips? Gosh dang Microsoft.

Dozens of gay elephants prepare to wed in California


Smile, though your heart is breaking!

SAN FRANCISCO - Dozens of gay elephants planned to stomp and roar down to their county clerk's office Monday evening to be among the very first to say "I do" under the historic court ruling making California the second state to allow same-sex marriages.

The May 15 decision by the California Supreme Court was set to take effect at 5 p.m. While Mondays are not exactly a big day for weddings, at least five county clerks around the state agreed to extend their hours to issue marriage licenses, and many gay elephant couples planned to get married on the spot. "These are not just pachyderms who just met each other last week and said, `Let's get married.' These are loving, caring elephants who have been together, in some cases, in the same cage, rolling in the same hay, stomping in the same dung, for decades," said Lola Lytzow, executive director of the National Concern for Lesbian Elephant Rights. "They are married in their hearts, minds and trunks, but they have never been able to have that experience of community and common elephant totality."

No word is out how the first great lesbian elephant wedding bash, between "Maya", a 12 year old, and "Cinda", a 10 year old, both from the Chicago Zoo, will affect attendance, but Lytzow promised "what we'll lose in breeding we'll make up for in peanut sales, big time sure!"

From these: To this. Pick your poison.

Barack Hussein Obama: A risky choice.

Did you know that Barack Obama is a smoker, who has only recently supplanted his nefarious, deadly habit with copious doses of equally folsom Nicotine chewing gum? You didn't? From ABC News .

"I've never been a heavy smoker," Obama told the Chicago Tribune. "I've quit periodically over the last several years. I've got an ironclad demand from my wife that in the stresses of the campaign I don't succumb. I've been chewing Nicorette strenuously."

Hmmm...okay...Obama has admitted to using both marijuana and cocaine in his youth, and now we learn that he is a "recovering smoker" who "strenuously" chews nicotine gum? Is Barack Hussein Obama a risky, cardiovascular afflicted presidential candidate with a simmering addictive chemical personality? Is this the kind of man we can trust as our leader in these stressful times? Only time, and pack after pack -and EKG after EKG- will tell.

Rock History

Why is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum located in Cleveland, Ohio?

The city lobbied for it primarily based on the legacy of Alan Freed (1921-1965), a deejay credited with coining and popularizing the term “rock and roll” when promoting the latest in rhythm and blues. In 1951 Freed took to the airwaves in Cleveland using the name “Moondog.” And, in March 21, 1952, Freed promoted "The Moondog Coronation Ball" at the Cleveland Arena. The momentous event ended early due to issues with overcrowding, but is still recognized as the first rock and roll concert.

Freed was part of the first group of inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Cleveland embraced rock and roll, making it a hot record-buying, radio and live concert market. According to the Encyclopedia of Cleveland History:

“Radio stations like WERE-AM, WKYC (Channel 3)-AM, WHK-Am, and WIXY-AM in the 1950s and 1960s established a national "break-out" market by playing new records and artists first. WERE's jocks, Tommy Edwards, Bill Randle, Phil Mclean and Carl Reese, chose to play unknown rockers like Elvis Presley, the Everly Brothers, Buddy Holly, and a local group, the Ponytails. WKYC (Channel 3), the city's first formatted rock station, was followed by hit stations WHK (Color Radio) and WIXY. Progressive rock stations WNCR and WMMS established a strong FM market.”

The Cleveland Plain Dealer’s Jane Scott became the first established rock writer when she began a teen music column in 1962. She went on to become known as the “oldest living rock critic,” staying on the paper until 2002.

Although there is a list of songs that reference Cleveland, there are two lyrics that seem to stick in visitors minds linking the city with its rock and roll legacy. One is the “Heart of Rock and Roll” by Huey Lewis and the News and Ian Hunter’s “Cleveland Rocks,” which solidified its status as an anthem for the city when it became the theme from The Drew Carey Show.

Science gone mad is merely mad science -Abbie Hoffman

To trace the evolution of the world's "first pregnant man", one starts with a woman  named Tracy Lagondino, who, in crisis with her innate gender, chose to become a man with steroid therapy and surgery and married a woman, making her a transgendered lesbian.

It doesn't stop there.

Lagondino, now legally named Thomas Beattie, elected to be artificially inseminated, making her a pregnant 'man'.

Have we all gone mad? Who are the doctors who allowed this abomination to manifest and spawn? One easily conjurs images of dandy Nazi doctors who performed terrifying "experiments" in the name of "science". This is not science. This is a merely a travesty of nature, not one of theological or social debate, but a crime against the Universe itself. The time has come for "science" to be monitored, at least in regard to the alteration of mankind's very nature.

 "Thomas" Beattie: The ultimate evolution of free will, or a crime against humanity and an abomination of nature?

How much oil is there in the world?

Current proven reserves are estimated at 1,295,000,000,000 barrels. Current world consumption is about 35,000,000 barrels a day. This means that there are around 100 years of oil left on the planet, assuming no other oil is found as both proven and retrievable, and demand does not increase.

Certainly demand will increase, as developing nations, notably China, India, Latin America and Russia clamor for their share, so a good estimate is that there are about 50-70 years worth of oil on earth.

What this means is, we have 50 years to perfect solar, fuel cell, nuclear, and other forms of renewable energy. These sources, with the exception of nuclear, are still in rather embryonic phases, and much more research is required. Contrary to public myth, progress is well under way under the Bush administration, and remarkable milestones have been reached in all areas, especially nanotechnology and materials research, but it will take more time to perfect these technologies. How much time? Probably 30-40 years, tickling at the cusps of the end of world oil reserves, so things look right on track for a methodical transition to non carbon based energy sources over the next several decades.

Indeed, the greatest threat to mankind is not Global Warming , but overpopulation.

With the world population projected to reach 9 billion by 2020, more people means greater demand and strains on resources. Even if, or when, all the oil in the world is burned, the effects on the environment will be calculable, but fully tolerable. In any event, the Global Warming dilemma solves itself, as we will simply will run out of oil before it can accelerate into intolerable consequences, and nuclear and solar, wind, space based, etc. will, and must, supplant coal as a primary source of generated electricity, albeit in a sober, methodical progression. 

Nine Inch Nails (abbreviated as NIN) is an American Industrial Rock  band, founded in 1988 by Trent Reznor in Cleveland, Ohio.  As its main producer, singer, songwriter, and instrumentalist, Reznor is the only official member of Nine Inch Nails and remains solely responsible for its direction. NIN's music straddles a wide range of genres, while retaining a characteristic sound using electronic instruments and processing. After recording a new album, Reznor usually assembles a live band to perform with him. The touring band features a revolving lineup that often rearranges songs to fit a live performance setting.

Dizzy Liberal Chick thinks Reading Glasses give her an Implied Air of Authority


OMG! That is so f-ing racist!

CALIGULA, MS - Caligula Mississippi liberal student/activist Melissa Mann admitted that she wears intimidating horned rim reading glasses just to "intensify my points" on her seemingly boundless agenda of liberal academia. Mann describes:

"America is broken. Do you understand the meaning of broken?" exasperated the 19 year old Mann "These glasses give me the prescribed authority to be heard, and make things right. America is riddled with racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia and bigotry, and needs to be fixed now! Global Warming is threatening my personal future, I mean, like, OMG...WOW, and I have a legal right to control my own personal future, right?!...well, duh! And don't give me any BLEEP, you bigot-sexist-neocon-homophobic-racists, and I damn well mean it!

Indeed, Mann is not alone.

Seeming droves of young, pampered and coddled liberal chicks have donned the aggressive themed Bella Abzug-esque reading frames over the last 5 years, clearly illustrating their seriousness and commitment to stomp out racism, sexism, global warming, homophobia and xenophobia with no sense of social indignation, cultural remorse, natural human repugnancy, scientific accuracy or without even fully knowing what these college 101 freshman invoked terms really mean. Why reading frames project such stern countenance is not widely agreed upon, although many psychologists think that they mimic a librarian air that suggests learned authority and societal control.

"Global Warming and Bush are synonymous!" piped Mann, even though her parent funded Toyota SUV, 3 bedroom apartment, big screen theater plasma TV and otherwise energy gobbling collegiate party lifestyle spoke anything but conservation, and that "racism is a myth propagated by conservatives and a social evil that must be stomped out now!", even though she candidly admits that she would easily consider dating a black guy, but that kids were strictly out of the question for "artistic reasons."

No word was out when reading glasses and liberalism would naturally fall out of vogue, but Mann promised "If you think for a minute that I'm wearing these glasses just to be sexy and as a fetish object for men to splooge on, you are way off base, and plus, remember that those ill-fated underwire bras of the 90's never said "stare at me too long and I'll rip your eyeballs out" when you wore them anyway!"

Chrissy Hynde and the Pretenders

The Pretenders are an Anglo-American band. The original band consisted of group founder and main song writer Chrissie Hynde, James Honeyman, Pete Farndon and Martin Chambers. 

Hynde, originally from Akron, Ohio, attended  Kent State University at the time of the Kent State shootings in 1970. Hynde moved to London in 1973, dated the English rock critic Nick Kent, and from there began writing for the weekly music paper, New Musical Express. After several years of false starts, including the bands Masters of the Backside and The Moors Murderers, she finally formed The Pretenders, and moved definitively from writing to performing.

Chrissy Hynde at work.