Rustybird's Blog

PT Cruiser The Cat Part 21

"Well, hello Dolly, and how are you today?", began Doctor Doolittle.

Oh, no, not you too," Said Dolly. "The Putz gives me that Hello Dolly routine ever since he named me Dolly. Only he sings it. You know, the 'Hello Dolly, well hello Dolly, it's so nice to have you back where you belong ' routine. I wouldn't mind it so much only he goes off key most of the time. The Putz was going to name me Bonnie. Then I heard him do ‘My bonnie lies over the ocean, so bring back my Bonnie to me.' Puhleeeze, I thought, don't do that to me.”

“But you're here to ask me how I feel about the two new cats. Can we talk? Sweetie, I don't have any say around here. The Breakfast Lady gives me whatever she has for breakfast. Why doesn't she just stick to that beef dish. So it's baby food. So what. Just because I'm not as fussy as the others, and I eat whatever the others leave, she thinks she can get away with any old cat food. But does she listen to me? Noooo."

"And if you're thinking about making a comment about me gaining a pound or two, don't go there. A lady never discusses her age or her weight."

"Look, Sweetie," Dolly continued, "I don't want to pull rank or act like a witch or anything. But I was here before KC and Willie. Doesn't that mean anything? Like, what did I do to cause this? I don't do laps, okay? Neither does Cruiser. And Barney, who thinks he's king, sucks up to the Putz. Well, pardon me for acting like a lady. And for that we get these two shlameels? I ask you, is that fair? Am I right? In all fairness, that Silly Willie and Crazy KC didn't ask to come here. They were tossed out and had to go somewhere. I know, it happened to me. But did we really need two more cats?"

"That Silly Willie is a southern gentleman, I'll give him credit for that. He came in from what must have been a poor family. He was dirty and smelly. Pooey! I wouldn't go near him in that condition. But after his bath and grooming he was lots better. He never bothered me, just minded his own business. He knows a lady when he sees one. Guess the folks ordered that bath. Of course, I don't need one. But you knew that.

Wish they would give Crazy KC a good dunking in the water. Might take some of that mean streak out of him. Oh, yes. I said mean streak. I went up to give him a little sniff test and he went into a hissy fit. Wants to go his own way. You'd think his poo don't stink. My buddy, the Cruiser, was so upset he couldn't sleep in the same room as Crazy KC. Of course, that cat doesn't mess with me. Not anymore. I had to swat him once or twice to let him know I'm nobody's scaredy cat."

"Did Cruiser say anything about me? I think he's got a crush on me. Just a little kitty cat love. Not that he sleeps with me, you know. But he's a cutey and gives me one of those nice little nose smells every once in awhile. And from time to time he licks the back of my head, or shares his food dish with me. Nothing serious, but that does make a girl feel nice."

"I guess I've prattled on a little, Sweetie. Hope you don't mind. You know I don't like to say anything bad about any cat. That's just not me. If you can't say anything nice, don't meow about it. Are you going to write about me in your next book? Want a picture of me? The Putz takes good pictures. A couple of mine ought to go into the PlayKitty centerfold.

What's wrong with that? I saw that! You made a face. Yes you did. It's the weight, isn't it? That's it. I'm going on a diet, right after tomorrow's breakfast."