Rustybird's Blog

   PT Cruiser The Cat And The Gang of Five Part 22

It all began when one of our cats jumped up on the back of the living room couch and stared out the window at the large bush where occasionally a bird landed and flitted through the branches. To enhance the cat's entertainment, we decided to go to Home Depot, buy a bird feeder, and place it in the bush. That’s how we first established Wide Screen Kitty Reality TV. The cats loved it. And so did the squirrels.

I hate squirrels. There, I've said it. I mean it. They are really a rodent, and give me one thing that they are good for. Gathering nuts? Big deal. They are a big nuisance. They loved that feeder, tipped it over, spilled the bird seed, made a mess. So back to Home Depot where we got a "squirrel proof" bird feeder. You know what?  That really worked. We were happy to have beaten the squirrels. And the cats were happy.

So, it all went well for a few days. Birds visited the feeder, the squirrels and mourning doves fed on the ground where a few seeds always fell. The cats sat on the couch, wagged their tails in joy, and enjoyed the show. Until one night the squirrels brought in their heavy artillery,,,,raccoons. What a mess. They destroyed the feeder, even broke a couple of branches in the bush. Well, this was now a full fledged fight. Man against the unholy alliance of squirrels and raccoons. Brains against brawn. Kitty cat entertainment versus the forces of evil. I have declared war!

So, back to Home Depot for a pole and a new bird feeder. The sales clerk smiled and humorously asked, "Got a squirrel problem?" I answered with conviction that I was going to foil those nasty creatures. The raccoons and the squirrels would not get the better of me. He wished me lots of luck when I loudly stated that I intended to win this battle against those wild animals. The pole went up, the new feeder was placed on the pole, and we began a vigil. I stayed awake, window shades up, lights out, and waited to see what the raccoons would do next.

A crafty raccoon had jumped onto the pole, emptied the feeder, and destroyed it, while I had snoozed in the chair. The battle was over and I had slept through the whole thing. A virtual massacre. Now I was mad. Back to Home Depot for a new feeder. This was now a fight to the death. Winner take all. The sales clerk blessed me and was preparing to give me last rites when I loudly proclaimed, "I shall return! Give me liberty or give me death! Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Remember Pearl Harbor! I only regret that I have but one life to give...." and that's when he called the manager over to assist me out of the store.

I learned a valuable lesson when I was studying military history and strategy. To win the battle, and ultimately the war, you pick the time and place of the next battle to your advantage. The old English adage applied here. "Better to run away, to return and win another day." So now I place the feeder out each morning, and bring it back in each night. No raccoons, no squirrels, no mess, no destroyed bird feeder. The cats are happy, the squirrels are gone, and the raccoons have no reason to return at night, Sue is happy that I have calmed down, the sales clerk is happy that I no longer disrupt the store. And I am happy that I have emerged triumphant and victorious over the dark forces of evil.

You've got to come for a visit and watch our Wide Screen Kitty Reality TV with the cats. I'm thinking of erecting a war memorial beneath the bird feeder.