Rustybird's Blog

PT Cruiser The Cat And The Gang of Five Part 23

 KC is a young and cool cat. When he was called to talk to Dr. Doolittle he sauntered in and greeted the doctor with, "Hey Dude! How's it going? Gimme five, man. Is this going to be on television or anything? Where's the camera crew? Okay, okay. It's just you and me, one on one. You know, normally I don't do interviews. Because it's you, big guy, let's swing away. You do the pitching, I'll do the hitting. What do you want to know?"

 "Well, KC," began the doctor, "you've got a new home. How do you like it?"

 "Compared to the digs I was in the past year, this is the Taj Mahal. Know what I'm saying? Gimme a couple of weeks and I'll get to see it all. The folks here have closed off the closet and don't let me in the guest rooms across the patio. Guess they're afraid of what I might see in there. They had these guests this weekend, some big dude with a wife and a couple of kids. Geez, they sure chased me around. You'd think they'd never seen a good looking cat before. Got to play with some string and stuff. That was fun. Ya know, the folks around here are kinda neat. The old lady is pretty cool. She's got these neat little litter boxes all around the place. Lots of food dishes. A nice big bed to hide under. Ya gotta like the place."

"Except for the Creeps. That's what I call these other cats, the Creeps. Cruiser ought to be called Dasher. Every time the doorbell rings he dashes under the bed. Barney should be named King Arthur 'cause he thinks he's the king of the joint. And Dolly ought to be named Cleopatra, she thinks she's the Queen of the Nile. What a showoff. A big fat showoff. Ought to be a belly dancer, you should see that belly bounce around when she moves. Kind of reminds me of Miss Piggy. Then there’s Wee Willie. Wee. Hah! Ought to be called the Beast of the East."

 “I try to stay in shape, watch what I eat, you know, this modern nutrition stuff. Fish is good. Chicken okay. Meat is out. And it all shows. Man, when I want to jump to some high place I got it. See these muscles? You don't get 'em from lolling around all day in the chairs like some Creeps I know."

"Best spot in the house? The bathroom. Real cool. Got a litter box. Food dishes. And there's this leaky faucet I found for a drink of water. Until the guy they call the Putz turned it off. They left a towel on the bathroom countertop and it makes a real cozy place to take a rest. I don't mind the three or four disruptions during the night as the folks get up to use the bathroom. Wish they wouldn't turn on the lights though, that really breaks up my sleep. Anyway, can you tell the folks to lay off of that picking me up? If I want to come out and play, I'll do it when I'm good and ready. There's just some things I do only when I'm in the mood. Gimme a break!"

"Ya know, that whole naming process almost made me throw up. Ya see, I came down from Levy County on that rainy ride with that humungous old dude they named Wee Willie. They hit me with KC, which is a pretty cool name. But at first, they were thinking of naming us Mutt and Jeff. Can you believe it? Where did those names come from? A comic strip or something? Me? A Mutt? Like some stray old dog? Might as well have named me Fido. Or Spot. How humiliating that would have been! Know what I'm saying?"

"I know I'm the youngest and latest arrival but do the Creepy cats have to treat me like the plague or something? I don't have a tattoo or wear my hair in a Mohawk And I dig this Wide Screen Kittycat Reality TV scene like any other cat. So, they should just chill out. Gimme another week or two, and we'll get along. Thanks for listening to me rant on like this, Dude. Ya got time to hang out, share some catnip, a beer or a margarita or something?"