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I remember my grandpa telling me what to do every day of my life until I left his home at the age of 17. As much as I disliked his dictatorship over me, I learned why it was needed. The sad thing is, like Kevin Johnson inside and outside my grandpa’s house I had guns and drugs within a hands reach.

As I child I was told every day to stay away from the bad crowd. In grade school I played in the jazz band, in high school I played in the marching band, I had lots of interest. As a child of course the curiosity of the unknown will draw you in every time. I believe 90% of urban black children are and will be exposed to guns, drugs and sex before they turn 11. I had fired my first gun in the air at the age of nine and I was not on a shooting range or in the woods, it was more likely in gangway between houses. At this same I age I witnessed my first dead body shot to death on the sidewalk just out side the local corner store. At this age I was caught in the middle of violent gun battle while bike riding my neighborhood with friends. By the time I was ten I had my first encounter with a police Officer patrolling my neighborhood and he told me “I will kill your little azz” if didn’t go home. In middle school and High school many of my schoolmates from my neighborhood carried guns to school and various other weapons. It didn’t make the news back then no one cared.

Marijuana was always available to kids in my neighborhood as well as other illegal drugs. Many of the older guys 18+ would not let guys my age smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol in front of them but now that has changed. Now we see 5 year old children under the influence of all types of narcotics. Must be the devil…. People in my community during the 80s use to always tell me of things I could not do…. I could not be cop and shouldn’t want to be, I could not be pilot or a doctor because white people won’t let me, and these were people who I looked up to, neighborhood adults and older siblings of friends. I didn’t learn that I could actually be a cop until I was 25.

At the age of 15-20 the years of 1985-90+ nearly every neighborhood in the city of StL had young black youth selling or using drugs, Crack Cocaine & Liquid embalming fluid a.k.a Whack. The drugs dealers socialized together from time to time to brag on cars, clothes, guns and women. Drug users strategize on how to get more money for more drugs. There were guys my age in my neighborhood who needed help counting money; as much as 500,000.00 dollars. An 18 Years old with a half a million dollars. This type of money was being collected by drug dealers in nearly every city community. I believe nationwide every city combined within 5 days of crack dealing, more cash was produced than any casino in the world. For many it was a dream come true to have so much money, but nothing to do with it. The most any one could do was buy jewelry and cars. Eventually these guys would get indicted for the cash & drugs especially if they spent over 10k on a single purchase. I remember hearing of this one guy who tried to purchase a helicopter.

No one could predict the impact this period of time would have on our communities nationwide. This is when many kids began to growing up without parents because so many were on Crack. This is the time when the Crips and Bloods would influence many kids coming from this generation. Today the effect is still there, young black kids chasing ½ million dollar dreams and parents still trying to stay high. We hoped that some rap music would get the message of the damage caused by the past; but just like anything else it got smeared by greed and the almighty dollar.

No excuse: Even though many people try to say this is a hard life, I have only seen it as life; now that I have survived that part of it I have learned there is more life for me. Only a person who didn’t grow up in the hood would say this is a hard life because for most people who grow up this way it’s just plain LIFE.

I give all my thanks to GOD and my Grandparents that I have not been in a situation like that of Kevin Johnson or the Juvenile who killed the city cop, I do believe that any of the 90% can yield the same results if they were in those two guys shoes. Unfortunately the hood is the training ground for more killers to come. Kevin Johnson's execution would only mean revenge and there thousands of familes who want the same revenge for thier loved ones. And there are thousands of familes who will meet the same fate. Let us Pray!

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