gyro_jumper's Blog

Thank you.  Those simple words do not do justice to the family and friends that I hold dear in my life.  Without my husband I would be an empty shell, and without my dear friends I would still be afraid to open up.  I thank you all- this one's for you. :-)

i made it

through the periless fear of my being
i walked through the fire unseeing

trying my best to stop the grieving
holding onto you, blindly believing

the tangled web of confusion that binds me
the insecurites that lurk and finally find me

chased away by your presence and love
like storm clouds disappearing from above

my strength is renewed simply by knowing
i have the power to stop the pain from growing

with the help of those i hold near and dear
together we chase away the awful fear.

April 14th, 2002 changed my life forever.  That rainy Sunday morning, a pickup truck hit my bedroom wall.  I always thought of myself as a strong person, I've raised 2 children, and been through alot in my life.  This event has changed my life more than any other.  I thank God I have a supportive husband who has helped me through my PTSD caused by this accident.

The poem below is my attempt at some free therapy.  

you changed my life

you tore through my very existence
leaving your mark deep in my soul
my world has been flipped upside down
by actions beyond my control

just a rainy sunday morning to you,
in a hurry to be on your way -
the nightmare plays over and over,
in my mind both night and day.

the sound of crashing metal -
the creak of wood splitting,
the enormous sound of impact -
as your truck was hitting.

the thoughts that flashed through my mind,
the fear that invaded my heart -
the acceptance that my life was over,
all this -  while the wall split apart.

the nightmare for you may be over,
your dreams may be a pleasant sight -
but the fear you instilled within me,
is played over night after night.

I got up this morning, cursing the cold.....tripped over the dog as I headed to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.....realized I'm out of creamer.

I went outside to feed the goats.......the barn door was stuck...the water buckets were frozen....the rooster was loose- and eye-ing me like I am his next victim.

I balanced my checkbook.....worried about heating costs.

Started cooking dinner.....I'm out of potatoes....mac and cheese again YUCK!

Now it's bedtime.....I cuddle up to super to keep warm....

Then I realized just how lucky I am.....I have a home, food, and a man I love dearly. 

I find myself thinking of the homeless, especialy in this bitter cold.  I wish I could reach out to all the forgotten in this world.  And as I fall asleep tonight, I will thank God for all the things I do have and not feel slighted by the things I don't. 

How do you over come your fears?

When my kids were growing up I always said they feared nothing, because I feared everything for them.  LOL

I have a fear of water.  Probably brought on by the fact that my brother drowned when he was 19 yrs old at Rocky River.  I do go swimming, as long as it's not over my head. LOL 

Alot of people say "confront your fears".  super took me white water rafting about 13 yrs ago, to get me over my fear.  Well...........I got stuck in a hydrolic, sucked under the raft, rode the rapids UNDER the raft, I passed out in the water and had to be pulled from the water.   Don't even ASK if I got over that fear. LOL

I'm afraid of birds.  They just creep me out!  I have hens and a rooster.  My last rooster, may he rest in peace, came after me one day and put his spur in my leg.  Hurt like a son of a gun and bled pretty good.  Not something I would recommend.  I have 3 finches, hoping taking care of them will help with my fear.

So, do you confront your fears, or like me, accept them and have a healthy respect for them? LOL