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by thebradleys from Semi-demi rural WCFL

Last Post 10 days, 3 hours Ago


PSAs: Bipolar Disorder - Being a Friend
Feb 28, 2008 | 7:25 AM
Category: News
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Have any of the rest of you noticed the increase in public service announcements about mental illness?  They encourage us to be supportive of our friends with mental illness, some PSAs even specifying bipolar disorder.

These PSAs have made me think.  I have two friends diagnosed with bipolar disorder, however, it is becoming more and more difficult to view the friendships as anything more than a therapist:patient relationship.  (I am not a therapist, just a good listener; God gave me two ears and one mouth, so I tend to believe I was meant to listen twice as much as I speak.)

Every single conversation revolves around one problem or drama or crisis after another for them.  I am supportive, and listen and listen and listen.  My husband actually clocked one "session" as running 2 1/2 hours, with me nodding my head and occasionally saying "Yes" and "I understand."

Should I attempt to swing the conversation to a current event or even something about myself, my friends find a way to take it back to themselves, or even ignore the switch altogether.

I KNOW there are some fabulous minds here in Blog Central, and I need some fresh ideas.  I don't want to lose the friendships, but it's hard when it doesn't go both ways.

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PastorD read my blog view my photos
Feb 28, 2008 | 8:21 AM

My sister is a serious bipolar case.... I noticed something was not right with her when she was about 13. Unfortunately, I have found regardless of the medication and therapy my sister is involved with, the battle never changes...

It is very sad.... The "crisis" situation is the way they tend to live. It's always something or someone and it becomes a never ending story in their mind, regardless of your response. They tend to get stuck on a story and go in never ending circles.

My sister has an occasional episode of "Flying High". Far and few between though. They uually will have some OCD involved.. My sister can't be given any large amounts of money... she will spend, spend, spend.. Your friends have probably displayed crazy shopping habits as well. One time my sister bought 10 pairs of shoes in one day........

It's very difficult to deal with them... :+( I have found that I establish time limits, because THEY have no time limits.... They tend to always be late and be exasperated by any and everything.. (I'm the only one, if I only had you life) type of thing.
PastorD read my blog view my photos
Feb 28, 2008 | 8:27 AM

I advise patience an kindness, BUT do not get roped into THEIR story..... Set the time limit before you visit or before they come to your home 2 hours will turn into 5 if you don't! If you don't you will get aggravated and will find yourself trying to avoid them because they will suck the energy out of you..... (Sad) :+(

I could go on, but from my experience this is your best bet, if you want to keep your own sanity.....
thebradleys read my blog
Feb 28, 2008 | 1:46 PM

Wow. Sounds like you are The Voice of Experience PastorD. I am grateful that you shared though... Thank you. I really have no real knowledge about handling this and so much of what you have said has rung true!

The shopping? BOTH of them - one is high end department and jewelry stores - the thousands she cannot afford to spend but does - and the other buying everything not nailed down at discount and second hand stores (figures she's getting more for the buck - her words!)

I don't know how they manage to sustain the high level of crisis they do without going into cardiac arrest. I am being very serious. Sometimes they are utterly out of breath with it, and they DO talk in circles - it IS (just like you said) never ending circles - they cannot let go of it at all - at least not until the next one occurs.

How would you recommend setting time limits? Tell them I have an appointment to be at? I want to avoid hurt feelings...

The sad part is I HAVE had to limit visitors here at home because of health concerns myself (for which one made me to feel guilty - ugh), and until flu and cold season is over, well, I'm kinda isolated... but the phone still rings. ;-)

I really want to thank you again for showing up on this blog. It IS a very sensitive issue but I know there are people like yourself out there with far more experience than I in dealing with such matters.

Thank you.
PastorD read my blog view my photos
Feb 28, 2008 | 5:39 PM

A few other things you need to be aware of when dealing with people who have bipolar disorder. 1) Blame and complain will often consume them... I call blame and complain the devils wicked stepdaughters.. Ha Ha Seriously, it will usually be against a "family member" or it could be against another "close friend". My mom and I were always a target... Again, because of the way their minds work they will sometimes create a story and they run it through their minds so much, that they actually believe it. I caution you, because THEY will seem believable.

Regarding time limits - If she was at my house, I would firmly tell her I had to take care of family time now.

If I was with her, Again, I would remind her that I also have obligations to others and I would leave at a specific time.

The best thing to do is be FIRM and HONEST. I also suggest you spread out your time. I found it too draining mentally and physically if I tried to interact with my sister more than once or twice a week. Honestly, it can become too much..... I wish you well my friend, I have diabetes and I would rather have it, than bipolar disorder anyday of the week! Any mental/chemical imbalance is the worst imho..... :+(
thebradleys read my blog
Feb 29, 2008 | 4:52 AM

Uncanny what you have said and what I've experienced. I did not realize what I was seeing was a part of the illness.

So many of the dramas are truly of their own creation and I simply cannot follow the logic:

They both complain they have no money. The both complain they hate the drama over-shopping creates at home with husbands. Yet both shop extensively, every day. For me, the math is simple: Quit shopping or place yourself on a budget. When I suggest this, they look at me as though I've lost my mind.

I try my best to be a problem-solver, but it gets SOOOO difficult when the logic and their world is so different. So I end up just sitting there, nodding my head and saying "I see."

PastorD I really appreciate your support in this. And you are right, a physical condition is a lot easier to deal with than a mental/chemical one. (SLE here.)

I hope you are having a SUPERB day! Please keep in touch. :-)
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thebradleys

We have watched Good Day Tampa Bay and Fox News 13 since it became Fox many, many years ago. I've lived on this coast since 1982 but hail from Horse Country, TN. In RL I not only run two websites, but am researching a compilation work for publication (I can disappear for days in my books!) I work with wildlife (naturally Cynthia Smoot is one of my fave journalists!) and I like to participate in the "wildlife" here on the Blogs - a little human interaction is a refreshing change on occasion. However, hiding behind a monitor does not give one license to be rude; personal attacks reveal their maker's own inadequacies and insecurities as a speaker. (Is that the best ya' got???) Thoughts and opinions may differ (thank God for choice as Americans!), but the more reasonable a differing opinion sounds, the more likely the listener is to consider it fairly. Be safe, be fair, be nice - and most importantly, don't run with scissors. They haven't invented downloadable bandaids yet.

Member Since: 2/14/2007


 

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